What we leave behind

It seems appropriate that my first blog post has to do with my parent’deaths.  I chose this domain name when I turned 60 and realized that I was heading into my last 30 years. It’s been dormant for 5 years and as an orphan at 64 I felt compelled to write.  My dad passed away a month ago.

What we leave behind.

My dad used to worry about what we’d do with the house full of furniture and a lifetime of memories and memorabilia.  Wouldn’t he be shocked that in less than 30 days the house was empty save his queen sized bed. Was it hard to do?  Not really. First I took pictures of every room, every closet, every drawer and vowed I would go home and de clutter my life.  But did I? No I took carloads of treasures home instead.   We were like an Irish family as the memorial service wasn’t until the next Sunday so we had a week of family togetherness.  The memorial service was incredible. See blog on How my parents prepared for death.

Blog to do——
So my parents made this whole dying thing easier. First we joked about dying all the time.  Talked about smothering one another if we got “goofy” or vegetative.  Read obits that we liked and talked about music etc. My mom even gave me an envelope that I almost forgot to open during the eulogy.  It had some info for the obit and  songs she wanted and a lovely line about no moaning at the bar.
We weren’t prepared to lose her but she had prepared us to get though the dying part of death. That she looked so peaceful and youthful and beautiful after she drew her last breath also helped.

My father was even better with his preparations.  He wrote a beautiful obit.  Prepaid his funeral service and called me a month before to tell me he was going to be dying soon. I scoffed at that. Someone told me Hope kept me from seeing the inevitable with both my parents.

Even my mother was there at my father’s passing with another letter left behind in the funeral folder for my dad.  A poem she had read and tucked away for him called Death is Nothign at all. It was beautiful. It was apropos and we used it in the service.

Ah the Service.  Flag ceremony, great MC, everyone eloquent and funny and poignant and a standing room only crowd followed by a wine and cheese party. Both my parents would have so enjoyed the gathering. I think we honored them.

But back to the house.  We had always laughed at the description of my father studying in depth things most people didn’t think about.   But going through the house you could see his passions everywhere.

Music - yes he has 1489 of his favorite songs on his iPod most of which he had recorded himself from his extensive record collection. Literally hundreds of 33s and 78s.  But that’s not all. Each record cover had a note on it with the best song and which orchestra was performing.  He built a cabinet to hold the record player, the cd palyer and the tuner.  And as he lay dying and could no longer speak we placed his iPod beside his ear and his right arm was up in the air directing the music.  Priceless.  And as the last note of  Fur Elise played, Jim Rucker drew his last breath.  David took the records.

Geology-   What an extraordinary mind he had for west Texas geology and sulphur.  He worked on his maps and logs hours on end waiting for that "ah ha" moment.  The night before his stroke he called Dan Crofoot and I know Dan will always relish that last conversation.  He had boxes and boxes of logs and thankfully Phil Eager took those as it would have been wrong to throw them away.

Taxes -  for the last 5 years this subject has fascinated him and we talked about writing a book.  In December I said "let’s do Ted talks if we can’t get it on paper".  When Debbie came they did get one graphed on the computer but sadly his TIA on Chrimas day sucked this knowledge out of his brain and he looked at all his work and wondered why he had ever studied it.  Sad.

Trains and books and rocks-  he loved books and poetry.  He loved trains and had 3 in pristine condition mounted in His office.  He had a windowsill and buckets of rocks and hundreds of pictures of Core samples. We separated them amongst the three of us.

His yard -   What pleasure he took in his beautiful backyard.  His azaleas were outstanding.  His brick patio relaid several times with care.  He fought with his grass and had refilled his soil within the last 5 years.  He fed the birds and fought the squirrels.  Wiring the feeder with electricity to shock any newcomers who came to feed.

The sun and the water.   He loved the sun. He loved to lay in the sun and soak up the warmth. He loved to sail.  He loved to try new things. Jumping off our bay balcony  at 70 , blooding his nose at 80 on the slip and slide, tearing his rotator cuff with a spill on the tennis court at 85.  He painted our beach house at 70 up on  Scaffolding.  He was still strong at 91.

Food and wine -  he loved good food. And any wine. He had hundreds of recipes collected over he decades and picked up on trips.   The perfect tomato sauce after a trip to Italy; steak au pouvre after a visit to France.  And oh did he love Bill's cooking.

His family - we were his biggest accomplishment.  I read his letter to ralph.  We are but what we leave behind. He was the best father.